get that cat out of the way

Get that cat out of the way!

With the FXX marathon of “Every Simpsons Ever” fading from memory and their 24-hours-a-week of Simpsons episodes airing, you could say I have The Simpsons on my brain.

But that’s nothing new.

I could go on about how many episodes I watched during that marathon, how I kept saying I would go to bed a little later, I’ll go a little later, because when one episode ended, another one immediately started. I read many different blog posts about the marathon, I check “Dead Homer Society” on a daily basis solely for their quote of the day; there was a blog post somewhere where a guy wrote about his experiences during the first 24 hours of the marathon. Had I been thinking, I would have done that, but I would have done the Saturday-into-Sunday lineup of Seasons 5-7.

I’ve known for years that The Simpsons are a big part of my life. It’s one of the first cartoons I remember watching as a kid–heck, they’re a year older than me, so I literally have never lived in a world without new Simpsons episodes. My brothers and I constantly quote it to each other. It’s how we hold conversations. Even my mom gets in on the action.

So I am here to document a day in the life of Simpsons quotes. It may seem unbelievable, some of the jumps my brain makes, but I can assure you, none of this is going to be fudged.

All right, let’s keep this train wreck moving.


7:22am – Leaving my house out the side door, I say to myself, “I feel like I’m missing something,” followed up immediately by the Homer quip, “Probably misses his old glasses…

7:26am – I get a snapchat from my brother about “Wedding Bell Blues” on the radio. The picture he sent me is on the side over there.

8:07am – “Yummy Yummy Yummy” by the Ohio Express comes on my radio and I start chuckling, thinking of teenage Homer listening to it.

8:26am – I tell Twitter what I’m doing, and of course, it’s my MST3K/Simpsons buddy @helmerroids who responds. She is the one who helped me come up with the Simpsons/Detroit Red Wings mash-up post titled “Lemon of De-Troy-T.

lemon of troy9:07am – Reading comments on the AV Club’s article about Richard Kiel’s death (aka Jaws from The Spy Who Loved Me), someone make a comment about being 7 feet tall. Of course my reaction is, “Lisa, just because you’re ten feet tall doesn’t mean you can tell me what to do!”

9:13am – My oldest brother (who sent the snapchat) messages me on Gchat: “I am not looking forward to my funeral.”

fake saturday10:37am – Talking with the fiancee on Gchat… I forgot it’s Thursday, not Wednesday, and he doesn’t have classes. I had to explain myself afterwards (but I’ve always had to explain myself. Half the time he just looks at me and says, “Simpsons?”)

11:58am – I found a listing of what episodes will be playing when during tonight’s “musical” marathon on FXX. My favorite episode – “Homer’s Barbershop Quartet” – is on at 8:30pm. I have informed the fiancee that I will be in front of the television at that time tonight.

11:59am – And “A Fish Called Selma” is on at 10:30pm. The entire “Planet of the Apes” musical is one of my favorite scenes in the entire series (#1 would be the “Hello Homer, I’m George Harrison.” “Oh my god. OH MY GOD! …WHERE DID YOU GET THAT BROWNIE?!” This was hilarious to me as a five-year-old). Also, MacArthur Parker, Troy McClure’s agent, cracks me up just for his name.

3:01pm – With my oldest brother barely on Gchat today, I send him a message of, “How’s it going, Grimey?” and receive an, “It’s, uh…steady,” in reply, which leads to us discussing the market crash of 1929. Because we don’t ever have actual conversations.

3:50pm – Finally got around to reading what rules the National Hockey League has changed/tweaked for the upcoming season, and I had this Troy McClure gif so aptly saved.

3:52pm – I think of Lisa for that last bullet point…

5:36pm – Driving home, talking to the fiancee on the phone, I replied to comments with, “Mm,” “Buh,” and “Snuh.”

5:42pm – Me: “Was the squash soup you had hot or cold?”
Fiancée: “Hot, definitely. It wasn’t like the stuff you serve cold…what’s it called?”
Me: “Gazpacho! It’s tomato soup served ice cold!”
He did not reply with, “Go back to Russia!”

6:56pm – The fiancee and my neighbor are working on physics and keep talking about “K of E.” All I can think of is Krusty signing “K the C.”

7:17pm – The fiancee describing football: “A bunch of men in tight pants, chasing someone else’s balls…sounds kinda gay.

7:34pm – One of them mentioned 4π. I heard “floor pie.”

8:30pm – I turn on the TV to watch “Homer’s Barbershop Quartet.” What follows are my notes/thoughts about the episode.

8:34pm – My future father-in-law collects stamps and once regaled me about the infamous sheet of stamps with the planes upside down. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I knew about it because of this episode.

8:40pm – Jasper singing “Theme from ‘A Summer Place’.” I sang this the other day in the car when it came on the radio.

8:45pm – When my brother and sister-in-law said they were having a baby, I gave my brother a “Baby on Board” sign for his car and told him, “Now people will stop intentionally ramming your car!”

8:46pm – It’s my life goal to find the Dapper Dans in Disney World/Disneyland and make them sing “Baby On Board” for me.

8:49pm – “She’s a hundred years old and she weighs over two hundred… (winks) tons!” I said this last week when I was on the USS Wisconsin in Norfolk, VA.

8:50pm – The brownie scene. I think it’s my favorite scene of the entire series.

8:57pm – There are so many throwbacks to the Beatles in this episode. I think I catch more of them every time I watch.

9:05pm – The Stonecutters episode is on. I say “shut up” like Homer constantly.

9:11pm – “Have you ever noticed that the Crossing the Desert is a lot like the Unblinking Eye? And it’s exactly like the Wreck of the Hesperus!” Hey! I’m addicted to George Harrison’s song!

9:53pm – I only know about Rory Calhoun because of Mr. Burns.

10:12pm – “I’ll just drink this warm cream.” So that’s what episode this quote is from! “Who Shot Mr. Burns Part Two.” I quote Chief Wiggum’s line on an almost daily basis.

10:37pm – I stayed up to watch “A Fish Called Selma” only to see MacArthur Parker and also the Planet of the Apes musical. This past weekend, I was in Norfolk and we took a tour of where Douglas MacArthur and his wife are buried (it’s a pretty cool museum) and my mom kept giggling and saying, “MacArthur Parker.”


I came to realize, typing my comments during “Homer’s Barbershop Quartet” with the fiancee looking over my shoulder, that the day I chose to do this was a little lackluster. And you’re probably thinking, “Lackluster? You have quotes going through your head every hour!”

Trust me. It’s usually a heck of a lot more.

I’m on my way!